


Silent Wishes

by Tarlan



Series: Silent World [14]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-19
Updated: 2003-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:34:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wagon Train Part 1</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Wishes

Vin glanced across at Chris as they waited outside the saloon doors where Judge Travis was holding court. Inside he could hear the sound of raised voices debating their side of whatever story was being told, and he didn't envy the Judge for being the one to deal with this mess. Whatever the outcome, someone was going to walk away from that court angry and miserable, and Vin knew that the Judge wanted him and Chris to make sure the loser kept the peace.

It was bad timing... but then, there never did seem to be a good time for anything these days. Almost three weeks ago Chris had buried Hank Connolly on the Larabee family plot next to Sarah and Adam but they were all still reeling from the effects of Hank's intrusion back into Chris's life. Buck and Josiah had been wounded, JD was still favoring his right side after the beating he'd taken and Ezra had burnt his hand. None of the injuries had been severe and, fortunately, they had been granted these past three weeks of relative peace in which to heal. However, much as he liked the others, Vin had to admit that his main concern was on the effect Hank Connolly's arrival, and subsequent death, had on Chris Larabee.

Chris had never been the talkative type in the past but on returning from Eagle Bend he had barely spoken at all for that first week, and not much more since. They had headed straight out to Chris's shack and spent many an hour trying to patch up the damage from where the Nichols had shot it up, but the work had not held the same pleasure as before. Gone was the camaraderie and the lascivious looks they had exchanged before Hank came to the town. Gone were the long evenings and nights fucking each other senseless and then holding each other in strong arms until dawn when they would start the loving all over again.

Instead, Chris had little enthusiasm for the work during the day, and he avoided Vin at night, finding one excuse or another for them to spend the time in separate bedding. He avoided Vin's touch; avoided even being seen partially undressed in Vin's sight. They barely spoke beyond what was absolutely essential, and there even seemed to be walls cutting through the silent world that they used to share so easily. Vin had gained the distinct impression that he was no longer welcome around Chris... and that cut him deeply to the bone.

He had never felt so alone as he did right now.

He'd tried, several times, to broach the subject with Chris. He wanted to try and figure out what had gone so wrong between them but, on every occasion, Chris had brushed him off with requests for more time. Instead, he gave promises of talking on the next day; promises that Vin knew he had no intention of keeping but Vin could hardly call him out on them.

All he had wanted was to understand why Chris was pushing away.

Vin scuffed at the dusty main street with the toe of his boot. Three days ago, he had finally reached the end of his tether, deciding he had given Chris more than enough time to brood over the ghosts of the past but, instead of talking, they had argued...

"What the hell would you know about relationships? I bet you've never even slept with a woman let alone--"

"That ain't none of your business, Larabee... and it sure ain't a concern right now."

"Then what is a concern, Vin? Our relationship? You think what we got qualifies as a relationship? You don't know squat, Tanner. This ain't a relationship, it's a... a..."

"A what, Chris? A mistake? Just something to take the itch out of your pants... No, wait, there ain't been no itch there for a week or two--"

Vin winced as he recalled the way Chris's face had blanched at his words. He'd tried to apologize but Chris had shut him out, turning stiff-backed to walk away. Ever since the death of Hank Connolly, Chris had experienced problems, unable to find any satisfaction in Vin's arms. On that first night, when he'd had no reaction even after Vin's attempts to arouse him, Vin had told him it didn't matter, that things would work out, and yet, two weeks later he had thrown Chris's dysfunction back into his face. He knew it was his frustration and anger that had done all the talking, and he knew he had not been the first to throw a dirty, low-down punch, but his remark had been cruel and maybe even unforgivable.

Truth was, it really didn't matter to him that Chris couldn't take him right now - or even if he remained impotent forever. There was more to what they had than just sex and he didn't feel any lessening of his love for the man just because of this problem. If it mattered at all it was only because it mattered to Chris.

So why the hell did ya throw it back in his face? He thought viciously.

Part of him understood why. He'd been trying to get a rise out of Chris, trying to pummel his way through the walls Chris was building to keep him out. In a way, he'd been hoping to see Chris lash out at him, to release all that bottled up anger and frustration but, instead, Vin knew he'd only made matters worse.

Vin glanced at Chris again. The argument had taken place three days ago and, though outwardly there was little sign of the growing rift between them, Vin was sure Buck and Ezra had noticed something amiss. Fervently, he wished he could take back his harsh words, or at least be given an opportunity to made amends for them, but then the homesteaders arrived in the town bringing new problems.

Vin let his thoughts flow to a safer subject than his strained relationship with Chris.

Judge Travis had followed a day later and they had spent these past two days in the town trying to keep the peace after Dicky O'Shea and his men arrived. Vin shook his head anew as he thought of the claims of both Dicky O'Shea and the Homesteaders to a single tract of land. There was so much land out there that it seemed pointless to fight over one small piece. He still didn't really understand why these people felt they had to own the land anyway. The Comanche and the Kiowa had lived off the land since long before the first white man set foot here - and they had never made any claims of ownership. The land was something to be revered, something to be protected and shared between all the People -- the tribe. No one Indian laid claim to a single piece of land like the white man did, forbidding others of his tribe from crossing the land or drinking the water that flowed upon it.

The other confusing aspect was why these people wanted to tame the land anyway. There was plenty of natural food around so why did they want to spend their days in backbreaking labor?

Vin gave another small sigh and then bit down hard on his lower lip as Chris frowned at him. He knew Chris would be able to supply an answer to his question but he didn't feel comfortable asking him anything right now.

A cheer resounded from inside the makeshift courtroom and Vin knew long before Mary Travis stepped back outside on the arm of one of the homesteaders that O'Shea had lost his claim to the land. He wasn't surprised, mainly because Mary had taken a hand in refuting O'Shea's claim, and she could be a driven woman when a particular matter caught her full attention. He recalled the way she had dealt with Guy Royale, spending months tracking down the settlers he had forced from their homes to offer them a chance to return and reclaim their 'stolen' land and possessions.

Vin frowned as Mary walked past without even the slightest acknowledgment to Chris, with her attention fully focused on the man holding her arm. There was a look on her face that told Vin that there was more to this than met the eye, that this was not just a triumphant homesteader escorting her from their victory court. He glanced back at Chris, noticing the identical frown on Larabee's face.

"Who's that with Mary?"

"I wouldn't know."

Vin couldn't help a spark of delight at Chris's answer. He'd seen Mary Travis as his rival for Chris's affection from the earliest days, and was often amazed that Chris had made no play for the beautiful widow. Marrying her would have given him respectability and, possibly, a family to replace the one he had lost all those years ago. And it didn't mean that he and Vin had to go their separate ways either. After all, they already conducted their affair in secret. What Vin had been afraid of, though, was that Chris wouldn't want to carry on with their relationship once he had the beautiful widow in his bed every night. However, from the look on her face she had, finally, decided to give up trying for Chris and had turned her matrimonial intentions elsewhere.

And then it struck Vin that all this inner gloating was pointless because he and Chris had no relationship to speak of right now. A dark cloud of loneliness settled around him once more, made worse by the fact that the man who had eased it in the past was standing right beside him and yet might as well be a thousand miles away.

The Judge stepped outside the saloon and his eyes sought out Chris almost immediately.

"Could be a rough road for those folks. Might not be a bad idea for you seven to... stick with them for a day or two. Maybe escort them out of the territory."

Barely had Chris nodded, accepting the order couched as a request, when the leader of the Homesteaders came out from the courtroom behind the Judge.

"We don't need them. We've done just fine on our own... all the way from St. Louis."

Vin was taken aback at the belligerence in the voice of Will Richmond, and so was Chris though he recovered quickly enough. His soft voice was full of warning tinged with confusion as he pointed out the necessity for accepting help.

"That was before Dicky O'Shea knew you owned that land."

Richmond didn't even bother to look Chris in the eye or respond to his words, he turned to the Judge and spoke contemptuously about Chris and the peacekeepers as if two of them were not standing right in front of him.

"I've heard about these seven men, Judge. Not the kind of company we want our women and children keeping."

Vin gave a half smile, knowing how much the Judge hated it when people made their own judgments without taking into account anything more than rumor and hearsay. The hard glint that came into the Judge's eye should have been warning enough for Will Richmond but the man was too full of his own self-righteous demands to heed the signs. He paid for it when Travis made it pretty clear that he had not been making any suggestions, rather it was an order that he expected Richmond to obey as well. Richmond strode off angrily, and Vin hid his smirk as those hard eyes came to rest upon him with a look that told him the Judge knew more than he let on about Vin, and about Tascosa.

Chris raised his hands in part-resignation, part-intrigue, thankfully drawing the Judge's scrutiny away from Vin.

"Looks like we're going on a wagon train."

****

An hour after dawn, Chris watched as Vin rode into a hive of activity as the homesteaders made hasty preparations to continue with their journey to their new land. He'd been at the camp since first light; unable to sleep too easily since the day Hank Connolly came back into his life. He felt as if he had been thrown back into those early days after losing Sarah and Adam, with his sleep plagued by nightmares that refused to relinquish their grip upon him.

By rights he should have been stronger this time, and easily able to fend off the demons that pursued him but the ghosts of his past had found a new way to bring him down. Perhaps they were angered that he could barely see their faces any more, or hear their voices. Their images had dimmed in his memory but the emotions they stirred in him seemed deeper still as they reopened all the old wounds and inflicted news ones upon him.

He looked back at Vin when he saw him move swiftly forward, and saw Vin lean down to help a pretty woman with a heavy crate. His heart contracted in pain as he saw the glimmer of interest fill the azure blue eyes, and Chris bit down into his lower lip to prevent his own cry of regret. He couldn't blame Vin for being attracted to her. She had a lovely face and figure, and she had thick, chestnut hair that hung in waves down her back. Vin lifted the crate with ease, and Chris conjured up the memory of rippling muscle sliding under sun-kissed flesh. He turned away as the woman's body language showed her interest in Vin despite the protestations that drifted on the slight breeze to where Chris was standing.

Maybe it's for the best. He deserves to have someone he can love openly. Someone who can show him affection in return... not some emotional cripple...

The sound of an approaching horse pulled his thoughts back from their dark depths and he frowned anew as Mary rode up with Billy behind her on the saddle, sending a greeting out to the stranger who had escorted her from the court yesterday. The homesteader went to greet her, taking the horse's reins, and Chris looked away as he saw Mary's bright smile of welcome to the man. The sound of Billy calling his name brought him around and he leaned over to gather up the small boy who leapt into his arms.

"Hey, you, Kid."

"I'm going on the wagon train with you."

Chris raised both eyebrows in surprise. He'd assumed Mary had come out purely to say goodbye to the homesteaders. It never occurred to him that she might want to take this journey too.

"Is that a fact?"

"Don't look so surprised, Chris. There's no telling where a journalist's job will take him."

Chris let go of Billy and watched as he ran back into his mama's arms. She held onto Billy tightly and Chris found his grin faltering as the man Mary introduced as an old friend came to stand close by her side. With his daughter in his arms, Chris found he was looking at the image of a perfect family; dismayed when he realized how well Gerard, Mary and their children looked together. He pushed the smile back onto his face and tried to pretend the image had not affected him but it hung over him like a dark shadow blotting out the last rays of the sun on what was already a gloomy day for him. It wasn't that he had entertained thoughts of making Mary his wife for they were far too similar in temperament to ever make a good couple... but the warm, familiar smiles the couple exchanged reminded him of everything he had lost - with Sarah and, now, with Vin too.

"We're ready to go... Mary."

Vin's gravelly voice cut into his melancholy thoughts as Vin let him know the situation and then warmly greeted Mary. Chris swiftly moved to his horse ready to lead the wagon train onwards. He was surprised when Vin chose to join him up front but there was still a faraway look in Vin's eyes that Chris could no longer decipher - and it filled him with foreboding. He closed his eyes for a moment, offering up a silent prayer that he could be strong enough to see this through and release Vin from any obligation towards him. He'd already done everything he could think of, shy of telling Vin outright to go find someone more deserving of his attentions and, judging by the way he had looked at that young woman, perhaps part of that hidden message had already sunk through.

With no time left for selfish thoughts, Chris spared a quick glance at the wagons drawing up in a line behind him and then looked forward, raising one hand to give the signal as he shouted out his first command.

"Move 'em out!"

****

Vin didn't stay by his side for long, deciding instead to scout ahead. He did so partly in case O'Shea and his men had decided to set up an ambush for the wagon train on the assumption that no one would expect an attack so close to the town. However, the most important reason for scouting ahead was to check the lay of the land after the severe storms that had swept through the territory over the past few weeks. Flash floods could wash away whole stretches of land leaving the terrain treacherous underfoot for the unwary traveler.

Although Chris expected Vin to be out of sight for a few hours, Vin took a lot longer than he anticipated so Chris was relieved when he saw the rider coming in.

"How is it?"

The reason for Vin being overdue swiftly became clear but, long before Vin replied, Chris could tell from the expression on his face that there were natural rather than man-made problems ahead.

"Mmmm... not so good. Pass been washed out by them floods."

Chris raised his hand to halt the wagon train, knowing it might be politic to allow Richmond the courtesy of joining in any discussion. However, the man spoke up as belligerently as before, and it became obvious by Richmond's attitude that, no matter how low he was held in Richmond's esteem, Vin rated even lower. That confused Chris as Richmond had not seemed the type to be overly prejudiced against another -- at least, it confused him until he heard Richmond's wife speak up and realized she was the same woman Vin had helped with the heavy crate earlier.

"Mister, we've been on this journey for 2 months. I got us this far. Reckon I know what I'm doing. We're going straight through as planned."

Richmond slapped the reins and sent his team of horses forward, leaving Chris and Vin looking on in resignation.

"At least he's willing to discuss it."

Chris found himself smiling at Vin for the first time since their argument, having missed the razor-sharp but desert-dry humor that matched his own so perfectly. He watched as the Richmond wagon pulled ahead, followed by the rest of the train.

They moved into the recently flooded pass and, within an hour, the first of many problems hit the wagon train. It took two teams of horses and a dozen men to get the McConnaugh wagon back on the track after part of the trail collapsed beneath its weight. They lost the best part of another hour while the damaged wheel was fixed, though Chris had to threaten Richmond who'd wanted to press on and leave the stricken wagon to catch up later. Although Richmond didn't think so, this was still dangerous territory and there was also the threat of O'Shea taking advantage of an unprotected wagon. Chris wasn't about to take that risk with the McConnaughs or his own men.

By the time they had traversed half the wide pass, tempers were beginning to fray from the strain of trying to keep the wagons in one piece, so Chris called a halt much to Richmond's annoyance. He shook his head as he watched the man stride off angrily, wishing he understood why Richmond was fighting with him over every single decision.

Chris sat down on a low rock next to the campfire and stirred the pot of beans that Nathan had set up. He could hear the sound of a hammer and wondered if Josiah was helping with some of the repairs needed by several wagons after meeting with accidents similar to the McConnaugh wagon. Chris reflected on Will Richmond as he stirred the pot, realizing how it must have galled the man to know that Vin Tanner, of all people, had been right. It would have been easier on both the wagons and the people if they had gone around the ridge and, because of the high number of incidents so far, it probably would have been a quicker route too.

Chris watched as Vin dropped down from his horse beside Ezra and JD, and take up a seat on one of the wagon hitch poles. He drew the mare's leg from its holster and cradled it in his arm as he watched the land ahead of them. The late afternoon breeze lifted the light brown hair from the deceptively strong shoulders, with the weak sunlight catching the burnished copper and gold tones and making every strand glint brightly. Despite the apparent ease, Chris could see tension in every line of Vin's lean frame, and he knew that he was most likely the cause of it.

Chris sighed and looked away from the beautiful sight of his one-time lover, his breath catching in his throat.

One-time lover.

He didn't want this. He didn't want everything he had with Vin to end, but it had ended. It had ended the night they came back to the shack and he found no stirring in his groin when he looked at Vin or when Vin touched him. In the days that followed he'd tried to rekindle that spark but there was nothing there. It was like he was dead inside, just a dried out husk of a man - if he could even call himself a man right now. It was unfair to Vin, and Vin deserved better than being stuck with someone who couldn't love him back physically.

Covertly, Chris grasped his unresponsive flesh harshly, and he let more bitter thoughts fill him. He sneered at himself as he recalled the argument they'd had, and how Vin had shown his true feelings for the loss of Chris's sexual interest. He squeezed tightly, painfully, on the flaccid bulge.

Hell, without this Vin might as well be fucking a woman. Least a real woman could give him babies too, and he wouldn't have to hide her away. He'd be able to touch her, hold her, and say loving things to her in front of others without worrying about being thrown in prison or hanged. What can I give him now except more grief?

He shook his head again, his eyes automatically seeking Vin's lean frame as the younger man kept watch beyond the circle of wagons, unable to look away when he saw Charlotte approaching Vin with a canteen of water. Strong white teeth pulled the stopper from the canteen and he watched the strong throat muscles slide as Vin took a long draft from the canteen. His sharp hearing caught a portion of their conversation - woolly to the bone. A flicker of warmth filled Chris as he thought of the wild and free man that he hoped would never be tamed and caged by society. It was part of the reason why he had felt it necessary to try and push Vin away. He didn't want to tie him down into a relationship that might destroy that free spirit.

Ezra's light laughter brought his attention back to the pot of beans and then to the sight of Buck making a play for a pretty young widow by winning over her monster of a son. JD had told him about the bet Ezra had made with Buck over who would win the affections of the widow but, judging from what he had seen of the boy, he doubted that either of them would win. Buck started to relate tales of his sexual exploits, unaware that the widow had overheard and, moments later, Chris laughed as Buck was suitably chastised by the angry, over-protective mother. Unfortunately, he was not given the chance to enjoy the spectacle of his oldest friend being slapped by the diminutive widow for Nathan stood up abruptly, calling his attention to the approaching riders.

"We got company."

****

"Sounded like a no to me, Mr. O'Shea. You gonna pull that piece or are you just resting your hand on it?"

Vin watched as O'Shea's man dropped his hand away from his gun, hearing the barely veiled threat from O'Shea before he and his men turned and rode away. He had no illusions that O'Shea would be the one to make 'something happen' to try and scare off the homesteaders. Although the seven of them were more than a match for the scraggly band of misfits that were riding with O'Shea, Vin couldn't help but wonder why Richmond was so adamant about holding onto that land, or why O'Shea was so desperate to have it too. There was plenty of land to go around and, even though settling in this pass would not be the best of ideas due to the severity of seasonal weather that could bring flash floods, the land just beyond looked fit to settle upon. He'd said as much to Charlotte but, like most people, she believed that there was always something better just over the horizon. He made a silent wish that it was true, for her sake if for no other reason.

He liked Charlotte. She was warm and friendly at a time when he was feeling cold and alone. She was pretty too and he felt a little sad to see such a beautiful spirit trapped within the cage of a loveless marriage. He felt obliged to speak up to Richmond.

"If you had any smarts, you would have listened to his offer."

"You got a problem?"

Charlotte held onto her husband's arm, as if her frail body could stop Richmond if he wanted to take a swing at Vin. She cajoled him gently, trying to draw him away from a confrontation but, instead, Richmond turned on her.

"You stay out of this, woman."

"Mister, the only one's got a problem is you."

It took every ounce of Vin's willpower to stop him from striking out at Richmond there and then. He hated the kind of coward who would strike out at a defenseless woman albeit with just words and rough handling. She didn't deserve this man's anger directed at her, no matter that he was her husband. He didn't own her and he'd proved to Vin that he didn't deserve her love or respect either - if there was any left in such a marriage.

Vin felt Chris's touch on his arm, a single look telling him to let it be but Vin shrugged off the hand as if the touch had seared through to his skin. He didn't want to let it be. Here was a man who had a beautiful wife that he could love openly and freely while Vin had to skulk around in the dark, hiding his feelings for the one he wanted from the white man's self-righteous world, and he didn't even have that anymore.

What did he have?

In Charlotte he saw a kindred spirit; another human being trapped within the confines of respectability whose spirit was being crushed as slowly and surely as his own.

_Dammit, but I want you, Chris, but I ain't about to beg you, or ask for your forgiveness. I won't let you cage me like her. Won't let you crush me nor try to change me. Wish you understood that all I ever wanted was to be with you... no matter what._

Night fell swiftly and no one argued when Vin took up guard position near to the horses. Several hours passed but Vin, though alert to danger, tried to use the time to order the chaotic thoughts that were crowding through his head. Eventually he heard the soft scrape of booted feet and saw Chris's tall figure walking slowly towards him with a rifle held loosely in his hand.

Vin unslung his mare's leg from where he held it over his shoulder. He bit down on his lower lip, wishing Chris would say something--anything--to breach the rift between them but Chris barely acknowledged him with a nod of the head. He responded with strained politeness when what he really wanted was to push Chris into the shadows and force him to explain what the hell was going wrong between them.

"Nice and quiet."

Chris made no reply and, in the past, Vin would have accepted the lack of verbal response with ease as he basked, instead, in the glow of friendship emanating from Chris. However, all he felt from Chris now was the coolness of the ever-increasing distance between them, so Vin walked away without another word. He had gone maybe ten feet when he heard the sound of raised voices coming from inside one of the wagons. Vin winced as the heat of the argument came in sharp contrast to the coldness of his own relationship with Chris. He saw Charlotte Richmond rush from the wagon, and realized that, once again, they had something in common; despair. It was that which prompted him to follow her. She startled as he reached out to her.

"Mrs. Richmond, you all right? I wasn't trying to spook you."

"I'm fine."

Charlotte turned aside so she could scrub the tears from her eyes but it didn't fool Vin. He had seen her crying and he had heard her quiet sobs of grief for a marriage that was as cold and dead as his relationship with Chris. It had cut into Vin deeply, perhaps more so because he understood her pain.

"I don't mean to pry, but your husband... seems to be fighting the bit a lot of the time."

"It didn't used to be like this. If you'd just seen him before. Like when Allison was born. He was so happy. You never seen a man more proud."

Vin dropped his eyes sadly as he listened to her talk of the daughter she had lost.

"I never did and never will make peace with it. Figured I best get on with life anyway. But Will? He... he just can't seem to... I wanted this move. The new land to be a second chance for us... but..."

"It's all right. There's still time for second chances."

Vin held her for a moment, and wished his words held a grain of truth for both of them as he, once more, saw the parallels between the Richmonds and himself and Chris. It seemed that Chris was not the only man haunted by the ghosts of the past and, just like Richmond, he couldn't shake them even with the second chance he had been given. Vin wondered if Richmond would ever shake free of his daughter's ghost, and also if he deserved to after all the misery he had called upon his grieving wife. The same uncharitable thought crossed his mind as he wondered if Chris deserved to be free of his ghosts but, at that very moment, an explosion ripped through the camp and a single concern chased all other thoughts away: Chris.

He raced towards the fire and grabbed a blanket, beating back the flames that threatened to spread to other wagons in the circle, and inwardly relieved to find Chris joining him to do the same. Vin heard Nathan shout out his name and he raced away to where Nathan had left his saddlebags, returning moments later with the medical kit but all to no avail. Jack was dead, leaving yet another widow on this trail.

****

Josiah's strong voice echoed across the land as they buried Jack. Chris held on tighter to the brim of his hat, head bowed more to hide the anger that filled him rather than as a sign of respect. Not that he had anything against the man who died but O'Shea had chosen a cowardly way of killing, maybe even worse than shooting a man in the back. One thing was for certain, though, that O'Shea must want that land badly to go so far as to murder someone over it.

Vin fell into step with him as he moved back across the camp to saddle his horse, and Chris gave a wry smile as Vin echoed his thoughts.

"O'Shea's pretty serious about that land."

"Must be something special if it's worth killing for."

"Couple of men riding straight through could reach it in a day or so."

Chris quickly weighed up the consequences of sending two men off at Vin's suggestion. It would still leave five of them protecting the homesteaders as best they could--though, some how, one of O'Shea's men had managed to sneak through the guard and booby-trap Jack's wagon. He pondered on the problem. If seven of them had not been enough yesterday then five could only leave them even more vulnerable today. Still, they needed to know what they were up against. They needed to know why it was so important for O'Shea to have that particular piece of land when there was so much more land waiting to be taken.

Chris thought back to Guy Royale and how he had tried to force Nettie Wells off her land because the railway would come through making the land worth many times its current value. However, that couldn't be the case here as there were no plans to extend the railway this far south. Instead the track would turn eastwards after passing by the town and then continue across the border into Texas. No. There had to be another reason for O'Shea's interest and Chris felt it important that they find out as quickly as possible.

With that decision made, the next was over whom to send. Chris knew he had to stay with the wagon train, and he needed Vin more than ever now to scout ahead and watch for any other signs of imminent attack. It didn't really matter who of the remaining five went and who stayed - though Nathan was more likely to be needed than the others if O'Shea had his way. They were all good men who had skills that made them valuable regardless of where they were but, just then, JD walked past looking too full of pent up energy to stay with the wagons. Chris strode towards him, calling out as he went.

"JD, come here."

A short while later, Chris watched as JD and Nathan headed out. He was surprised that Nathan had volunteered, assuming he would want to stay with the homesteaders in case his skills were needed, but Nathan had been set on going so Chris relented. He made sure his own horse was saddled and ready to ride, noting that Vin had remained close by his side to do the same. Part of him silently wished that all his attempts to push Vin away would fail but he doused that desire quickly, knowing that this separation hurt enough already without making extra grief for himself.

Chris stroked his horse, offering the small public show of affection that he could grant to a horse but not to the man he loved. He looked up to see Gerard Whitman and Will Richmond approaching with Mary, Charlotte and several of the homesteaders. They stopped several feet away, the thin tethering line forming an illusory barrier between them.

"Under the circumstances, you think we should send the women and children back?" Gerard voiced his concern and Chris was surprised when Vin responded.

"Be stronger if we all stick together."

That made sense to Chris too. If they sent half the wagons back to the town then they'd also have to divide up their forces to provide protection for both parties. Chris knew that wouldn't work. With only five of them remaining they would be spread too thin to be of much use should O'Shea choose to attack them openly. Chris was relieved that Richmond saw the sense in that but his relief was short-lived.

"We'll stick together. But you men, your job is done here." Charlotte tried to protest but Richmond brushed aside her concerns as he turned to the others in the party. "Nobody died till they showed up to protect us."

Chris looked on in disbelief and, once more, it was Vin who spoke on their behalf but Richmond wasn't listening. His personal grudge against the Seven, and Vin in particular, was still holding sway over his common sense. However, Mary made her views clear, and then Gerard, having accepted that they would all go on together, told Richmond what he thought in no uncertain terms.

"Mr. Richmond, I got two young children with me and I want as many men as possible between them and Dicky O'Shea."

Once again, Richmond strode off in anger having seen another attempt to get rid of the Seven fail. Mary sent Chris a half-smile and turned to follow Gerard, knowing that they had only a short time before the wagons would roll. The movement to his left made him realize that Vin had saddled up and was, even now, turning away. He opened his mouth to call to Vin but then sealed his lips tightly together. He made a small wish that he could reach out to Vin and try to regain some of what they had lost but then he recalled why he had set up that barrier between them.

Vin deserves better than what I got left to give him.

He mounted up and followed Vin to the head of the wagon train, quickly giving the order to move out before ordering Buck and Vin to ride on ahead to scout out the land. An hour later Chris tired of his own company and dropped back to Gerard's wagon.

"Where's Mary?"

"She's over there. She wanted to be alone."

Chris looked to where Gerard was pointing and saw Mary racing parallel to the wagon train. At this moment she looked even more beautiful than ever with her pale blond hair flowing behind her as she rode. The vision of her riding strong and carefree overshadowed any of the faults that had caused him to avoid making any overtures towards her that might be construed as courtship. Perhaps he had been wrong not to consider her as a potential wife. He pursed his lips as he thought of what could have been and then grinned wryly.

She wasn't what he wanted, and she never would be. What he wanted was Vin, but, even if Mary had been what he wanted then what could he offer her now? No. Maybe it was for the best that he let their relationship remain a simple friendship. Still, she would make someone a fine wife once day.

Gerard must have seen something in his wistful expression.

"I don't mean to pry, Mr. Larabee, but I notice that you and she have something of a friendship."

"Sure, you could say that."

"Anything else to it?"

Chris frowned in confusion and took a good look at Gerard, trying to understand the meaning behind the question. He hoped the man wasn't insinuating that he had acted improperly towards Mary.

"What are you asking?"

"Forgive me, that was unfair. My competitive nature sometimes overwhelms my manners. But then again, a man would have to be blind not to notice her charms."

Chris grinned, suddenly aware of what Gerard was asking but rather than deny that he had any interest in Mary beyond friendship, he decided to toy with the man.

"Well, I ain't blind."

The shuttered look on Gerard's face brought a stronger smile on his own. If this man wanted to court Mary then Chris wanted to make sure Gerard knew he'd have to work at gaining her hand in marriage.

Chris spurred his horse onwards as he caught sight of Buck and Vin racing back towards the column of wagons. He met them partway and waited to hear what they had to say as they came up either side of him. Both men looked frustrated at the turn of events but Chris could hardly blame them. This kind of underhanded and cowardly action turned his stomach too and Chris would have liked nothing better than to bring these people to justice. It was Vin who voiced his frustration first and he almost spat out his words in disgust.

"O'Shea's keeping his distance. Probably hoping we'll leave the wagons to hunt him down."

"I hate to say it, but it might be best just to wait for his next move."

It was unlike Buck to advise sitting tight and letting the 'enemy' come to them but Chris had to agree. If they went off on a wild goose chase trying to hunt down O'Shea then there was every chance they would return to find the wagon train in flames, and a lot more people killed. However, as soon as O'Shea realized they were not going to fall for the bait then there was every chance he would set up an ambush for the wagon train.

"All right, let's be ready for him."

They spent the rest of the day watching out for any unusual signs and Chris could feel the tension growing within the homesteaders as the day progressed. He was grateful when he could finally call a halt and they quickly circled the wagons, with the men unhitching the teams to brush them down and feed them while the women started preparing a supper. Chris sank down beside the small fire and spooned some rabbit stew onto a tin plate. He ate quickly, never one to savor a meal because he'd had too many interrupted over the past few years. At least he had to admit that being away from the town, and especially from the shack, had brought back his appetite. Until now, he hadn't realized how much he had hated returning to the shack to find all his hard work destroyed in a few minutes of senseless violence by the Nichols brothers. It seemed like every time he tried to rebuild his life someone or something came along to knock him back down on his ass again.

Chris sighed, at least this time, with Vin, it had been his own choice to tear apart his life. He glanced up, covertly, to see Vin leaning against the wagon about twenty feet away. Usually, Vin would have sat down beside him and they would have eaten together, albeit in silence, but that quiet companionship was now a thing of the past. He had pushed Vin away, not wanting him to feel obligated to stay with him when he could have his pick of man or woman.

Chris sighed heavily once more and pushed to his feet. It was his turn on guard so he picked up his rifle and walked away from the circle of light from the campfire but he halted in the shadows as he heard Buck's exclamation.

"These folks are sadder than an old woodpecker in a stone forest."

Chris shook his head. The atmosphere about the camp was heavy with grief and tension from having to bury a good man and then carry on through the treacherous pass but at least they'd only had one wagon fall into difficulty today. Josiah began to tap out a lively tune with a pair of spoons, and with a little additional prompting from Ezra, the fiddler took up the rhythm and launched into an Irish Wake. Others joined in and Chris grinned as Buck pranced forward to beckon the ladies to their feet, welcoming the chance to push aside his own dark feelings.

"Whoo! Well, get up, get up!"

Buck began to twirl one matronly lady around, prompting others to grab their partners and join in. Chris's grin softened into a wry smile as Gerard pulled Mary up and danced with her, enjoying the happy smile that lit her face as she laughed and danced. Still hovering at the edge of the light, he scanned the happy faces until he found the one he was looking for. Vin leaned against the farthest wagon and, while Chris covertly watched the quiet man, he didn't spot Mary and Gerard leave the makeshift dance floor. As always, Vin was standing at the edge of civilization, either unwilling or unable to take a step forward. It bothered Chris as Vin was better than any man he'd ever known and should have been welcomed rather than ostracized in polite company.

He turned away from the lonely looking figure and froze in place as he spied Mary standing in the shadows between the wagons with Gerard. Chris cast his eyes aside with a heavy heart when they kissed. He was pleased for her, but he made a silent wish that it could have been him standing there kissing Vin so openly. He still wanted Vin with every fiber of his being; wanted to feel the smooth skin, wanted to feel the weight of Vin's body settling over him, covering him, and he wanted to feel the fullness of being possessed by Vin, the pleasure and the pain. But there was more to it than just physical desire. He wanted to hear the low, gravelly voice say his name in that warm way, wanted to share moments of his day with Vin... wanted to share his life with Vin.

As a whole man he'd been willing to take the risk of being caught with another man purely because that man was Vin, and knowing that Vin felt the same way about him. But, now, how could he allow Vin to take such a risk when he had nothing to give him that Vin couldn't get from the female form without incurring the wrath and disgust of others?

Chris glanced back across the circle to that lonely figure and, suddenly, Charlotte was there, catching Vin's hand and pulling him forward. Chris laughed softly, having never seen Vin dance before. He didn't believe the younger man had ever danced with a lady until now but Vin made a proud showing of himself--right until Will Richmond shoved him onto his ass.

"Get away from her! That's my wife you're dancing with."

"We're all just trying to have a good time."

Josiah stepped between the two men, pushing back on Richmond who had a powerful grip about his wife's arm.

"All right. A little dance never hurt nobody."

"He comes near my wife again, I will hurt him."

Richmond backed away, and Charlotte cried out as she was dragged along with him, prompting Vin to take several strides towards the departing man. Chris took several steps forward as well to stop Vin from doing something foolish, but Josiah grabbed Vin first.

"Vin, Vin, Vin, now leave it be. Leave it be. Leave it be." The ex-preacher crooned softly, and Chris could see his words penetrating through the thick fog of anger that obscured Vin's common sense.

Chris turned away, knowing he had no right to interfere. He had forfeited that right when he made his decision to give Vin the chance of a better life without him. He had gone only half-a-dozen steps when the first explosion rocked the small camp. With fear forming a lump in his throat, he rushed back to where he had last seen Vin, only letting out the breath he was holding when he saw Vin was all right. Chris pointed up beyond the circle of wagons.

"It's coming from over that ridge."

"Everybody, find cover!"

Vin's shout mobilized those who had frozen in shock and the homesteaders dived under the relative cover of the wagons. Chris pushed at one and then sought out the others.

"Get them horses! Ezra, Josiah, over here! Move!"

Chris yelled out his orders as explosion after explosion sent plumes of fire and dust into the air around them. He left Ezra and Josiah in command of the camp while he, Buck and Vin mounted up and rode towards the ridge. They made fast time but whoever had been there was gone by the time they located the spot.

"Left behind some pretty fancy artillery."

Buck eyed the cylinders stuck into the ground and angled like cannons towards the camp below. Chris didn't have to ask what memories were crowding through Buck's head right now. They had both served in the war; had both been through the hell of cannon fire more than once during that time though Chris's own thoughts returned to the Seminole Village - the only other time he had been witness to artillery being used on innocent women and children.

"Couldn't have gotten far."

He agreed with Vin, aware that the perpetrators of this had only a twenty-minute head start on them at best.

"Spread out. Let's figure out which way they're headed."

With only a half moon to light the land, finding tracks was not so easy but it soon became clear that O'Shea's men had left in several directions to better hide their trail. However, there was one thing Chris knew for certain, that they would all eventually meet up further along the trail towards the piece of land that O'Shea wanted so desperately. Chris decided that they had no choice but to rejoin the wagon train and hope they were able to prevent the next attack.

Josiah met the horses and Chris could tell from the serious glint in his eye that there was more trouble brewing. He sent a silent prayer that no one had been badly hurt or killed this time, wishing he'd told Nathan to stay with the wagons rather than ride on ahead with JD.

"It's Mrs. Richmond. She's gone. O'Shea's men took her when Richmond refused to hand over the deeds to that land."

"Damn it all."

Chris slapped his hand down hard on his thigh and looked across at Vin, seeing the concern in his eyes. He tilted his head questioningly but Vin shook his firmly once, answering the unspoken question. Chris dismounted and unsaddled his horse, knowing Vin and Buck were doing likewise in the knowledge that it would be nigh near impossible to track O'Shea down during the darkness. They would have to wait for morning.

"Suggest you all get some sleep. We ride at first light."

He watched as Vin set up a bed a little way back from the fire and he deliberately unrolled his own bedroll on the opposite side. The blue eyes held his for a moment through the flickering flames, but Chris could not afford to acknowledge the hurt he saw in them. It was better this way. He only wished that Vin could see that too.

Eventually he slept but his dreams were full of misery and suffering, and he awoke just before dawn feeling worse than if he had not slept at all. Chris leaned up on one elbow and gazed across the smoldering embers to where Vin had bedded down last night but he saw no sign of his ex-lover. An instinct made him glance into the shadow between the wagons and he caught Vin staring hard at him just before he turned away. Part of Chris ached at the loneliness so apparent on the unguarded face but he firmed his resolve to keep Vin at distance, hoping Vin would come to accept what had to be.

Chris pushed to his feet and stretched to ease the kinks in his frame, and then he hunkered down beside the fire hoping to coax some new life into the dying fire so he could make a pot of coffee. A sudden, slight movement almost on top of him caught him by surprise but he eased the tension from his aching muscles when he realized Vin had crossed the space to silently crouch down across the fire from him. He spoke in low tones, with his eyes burning into Chris.

"Why, Chris? Just give me one good reason and... and I'll walk away. Won't ever mention any of this again."

Confusion filled the bright blue gaze as Vin registered the conflicting emotions that filled Chris but Chris hardened his heart and turned away from the pleading eyes.

"Ain't nothing left to say, Vin."

"Dammit, Larabee--"

"Any coffee in that pot?"

Vin pulled back swiftly, trying to cover the naked emotions that he could barely contain as Buck settled down beside them.

"Hmm... figure I chose the wrong moment to interrupt you boys."

"Not interrupting anything, Buck... and there ain't any coffee... not yet, that is."

Buck fell silent as Vin pushed back onto his feet and strode away, and then he reached out to grasp Chris by the shoulder.

"What's going on, Stud? You and Vin don't seem to be looking eye to eye these days."

Chris winced at the old nickname Buck used, well aware of how false that particular moniker was at this time.

"Vin and I... Well, there is no Vin and I--"

"Hell, Chris, I don't need you to tell me that. Seen the way you two have been doing the quickstep around each other since Old Hank died."

"Ain't nothing to do with Hank Connolly."

"No? Could have fooled me."

Chris smarted at the rebuke. "Stay out of my business, Buck."

"Ain't just your business though, is it? It's Vin's too, and I've seen the way that boy is hurting... and I reckon I'm looking at the cause."

"You don't know nothing, Buck. Just stay out of it."

Buck held up both hands in a placating gesture. "Okay, okay, but you keep this up and your gonna lose that boy to someone else."

Buck rose and walked away but, once out of earshot, Chris murmured softly to him, "I know, Buck. But that's the whole point."

Ezra grumbled as he dropped down beside Chris and reached for the empty coffee pot. Then moaned even louder when he realized it was empty.

"...ungodly hour of day..." was all Chris caught as he strode away to saddle up his horse.

****

The four of them rode for hours, stopping only when Vin called a halt so he could take a closer look at the tracks leading away from the wagon train. Vin looked up into the bright sky, pushing his hat back from his face for a moment to take in the beauty of this day. It should have been a good day - a perfect day - with Chris riding close by his side but, instead, he could feel the coldness emanating from his ex-lover. Even Buck had proved susceptible to Chris's gloomy mood for his usually affable self was missing. It occurred to Vin that maybe Chris and Buck had exchanged some words this morning after he left them by the campfire.

Buck was one of the few people who knew of his former relationship with Chris and, though initially uncomfortable with that knowledge, he'd come to some understanding and maybe even acceptance too. Even so, Vin wondered if Buck had spoken in his defense or if he had applauded Chris's actions in ending their illicit relationship. If he knew for certain that Buck was on his side then he might have been tempted to ask for his help in figuring out why Chris was acting like this.

Vin looked back at the three men, who were waiting for him to show them which way they needed to go. He mounted back up and set off. They stopped at midday, none of them foolish enough to push the horses too hard on a hot day, and took an hour to let the horses drink and cool down. While the others took a light siesta, Vin thought back to the anomaly that was Will Richmond. On the one hand the man was unwilling to trade his wife for a handful of dirt but, on the other he had been more than ready to ride with them to get his wife back. Only Chris's adamant refusal had stopped the man from joining them as he told Richmond he was needed with Josiah to keep the wagons rolling.

He knew Chris hated leaving the wagons with only Josiah whom he could trust to keep them moving but at least the wagons had made it through the pass and were traveling through more open land now. That made them a whole lot safer than they would have been if they had been forced to spend any more time in the pass. Also, there was less opportunity for a sneak attack from that powderman if the wagons kept moving.

Another two hours passed in the saddle before Vin's sharp hearing caught the sound of a horse snickering from over the ridge. He dropped from his gelding and indicated for the others to do likewise and they kept low as they moved to the top of the ridge.

"There she is."

She sat apart from the others with her hands tied, and Vin felt a stab of compassion for the lonely woman who had taken so much hurting over the past few years. It looked like they had left her alone for the most part though he expected she was very frightened right now. Vin assessed the situation. There were more than a dozen riders with O'Shea, sprawled around the clearing below, and Vin silently agreed with Buck's assessment, that there was only one way in and that was through the front door.

"I suggest we agree to Mr. O'Shea's demands. Give him his ransom."

"We ain't got the deed, remember?"

Vin shook his head, wondering why Ezra should mention the land deed that Richmond had refused to sign over to O'Shea. Even though Richmond had said it wasn't his to sign away, Vin couldn't understand why he hadn't done so anyway. It was in his possession after all, and it only required one of the homesteaders to make their mark and O'Shea would be gone. It wasn't as if there wasn't plenty of land the homesteaders could settle down on instead, land that might prove to be far better than the unseen land they'd chosen. Hell, Vin could probably find them a similar place with mountains, rivers and soil just like Charlotte described, if they asked it of him.

Ezra had a mischievous glint in his eye when he provided them with the means for a diversion, and Vin couldn't hold back a snigger as Buck started to read out the letter Ezra had been penning to his mother. Chris took the letter from Buck and glanced over it before folding it back up, but his expression gave nothing away as to the remaining content.

"Looks like a deed to me."

Chris had a better idea on how they should use their diversion, and Vin cussed himself for not thinking of the same thing earlier. He realized that he was allowing his thoughts of Chris and Charlotte to cloud his judgment and quickly volunteered to be the one to climb down the steep embankment to where Charlotte was sitting. Ezra volunteered to help pull both of them back up leaving Chris and Buck to keep O'Shea and his men pinned down and distracted long enough for Vin to save Charlotte.

As soon as he and Ezra were in position, with the rope thrown down to act as a handhold, Vin sent the signal to Chris. As he started to clamber down the steep side, he heard Chris's soft voice calling out to O'Shea. Vin glanced across and saw the dark-clad form standing at the top of the opposite ridge holding Ezra's letter aloft, and he felt a twinge of fear that one of O'Shea's men might shoot the exposed man. He reached the bottom as the shooting started, but his sharp hearing could make out the sound of two guns firing from the ridge so he knew Chris was still safe.

Vin crept up behind Charlotte and shushed her, quickly slicing through her bonds and manhandling her to where the rope lay waiting. Ezra was ready and, holding on tight, they let Ezra's horse take some of their weight and draw them swiftly to the top of the ridge.

"Hey, Vin, I'll meet you back at camp. We'll hold them down. Get going."

Vin jumped up onto his horse and helped Charlotte to clamber up behind him, and then he started riding fast, wanting to put as much distance between them and O'Shea as quickly as possible. By agreement, he took a more circuitous route from the others in case O'Shea's men gave chase but had to stop quickly when he felt Charlotte losing her grip around his waist.

"What happened?"

"You... damn near falling off from exhaustion. I guess you ain't had much to eat lately."

"I'll be all right."

Vin eyed her askance, knowing she was not all right and making a decision for both of them.

"We're gonna stop now, see if I can scare us up some supper. Why don't you sit down there on that rock and get some rest?"

By the time they had finished the meal Vin had trapped, night had fallen, and Vin glanced across the campfire to where the flickering flames caressed her tired features. He could see that she needed sleep but he knew the others would be waiting for them back at the wagon train and, despite everything he felt about Richmond, he felt obliged to return her to her husband.

"Suppose we should be going." She made a noncommittal sound. "Your husband's probably on the worry."

Charlotte stood up, moving across their makeshift camp to stop in front of him. She looked up at him and he tried to read her face in the feeble light emanating from their campfire. When she spoke, her words were serious and her tone soft with a hint of allurement.

"Vin, thank you for saving my life."

She pressed in closer to him, moving into his personal space, and he could smell the lingering scent from where she had bathed the day before. It was different from Chris; she smelled sweet with the heady perfume of wildflowers and honey whereas Chris's scent was stronger and masculine, pungent yet not offensive. Vin felt light-headed; unsure if his body was reacting to her scent or to the memory of the man that he wanted so desperately. He tried to focus on his words, knowing that they encompassed both Charlotte and Chris.

"Well, you're worth a hell of a lot more than a land deed."

"Don't blame him for this. You don't understand. That land is everything. Giving it over would have been too much to lose. That deed doesn't belong to him alone."

Her final words broke the spell, reminding him of the way they were both caged by their self-made obligations to another--in his case, by the love he felt for Chris.

"And neither do you." And I don't belong to Chris either, he thought angrily..

"We still got a ways to go."

Vin ignored her words, too caught up in his own turmoil and in his resentment against the man who had brushed him aside so callously when life got too difficult.

"Charlotte, there's no excuse for what he did. What kind of man wouldn't give everything he had just to keep you?"

Once more his words were directed not only at Charlotte but at himself too. He and Chris had never made any lasting promises to each other, least verbally, but he thought those promises had been there nonetheless. He'd given everything he was to Chris, had stayed by his side when every instinct had told him to move on and find a way to clear his name. He had fought by Chris's side, loved him and cherished him, and what had he gained in return? All he wanted was to hold Chris, and to love him. Why couldn't that be enough?

"Vin, please."

"If you were mine, I'd never let you go. I'd just thank God every day for putting you on this earth."

Before he had time to analyze his own words, Charlotte kissed him; deeply, passionately, pressing her small frame hard against him. He gave bruising kisses in return, wanting to feel the warmth of another to dispel the cold and loneliness that had seeped into him--mind, body and spirit--since Chris pulled away from him. It didn't matter that she had soft curves instead of hard planes, or that her hair cascaded over his face as he drew her to the ground on top of him. It didn't matter that her cheek was soft as butter rather than scratchy from stubble.

She was so light; her weight almost insubstantial compared to that which he was used to. Vin rolled them over until he was above her, his own weight resting on his forearms on either side of her head. He looked down into her eyes, seeing an echo of his own loneliness and need, and he leaned in to kiss her once more. Vin dropped to one side, releasing his hand to cup the swell of one pert breast through her bodice. He could feel the stiffened nipple and she moaned as his thumb flicked across the tip through the cloth. He kissed her again, deeply, and possessively as his hand slid down her small frame to gather up her skirt. He smoothed his hand along her outer thigh beneath the bunched material, caressing the silken flesh. His fingers slid beneath her loosened undergarments, teasing through the silken curls before slipping lower to penetrate her hot, wet depths.

She moaned softly, her hips rocking as he thrust his fingers deep within her soft folds. Vin pulled back, straddling her lower body as he reached under her skirt. He coaxed her to raise her hips as he slid down her drawers, helping her to kick them free before he freed his engorged shaft from its restrictive prison.

She cried out as he slid inside her, her legs wrapping tightly around him as he withdrew only to thrust deeper and harder into her welcoming warmth. Part of him cried out in regret, wanting the tighter heat of Chris beneath him, wanting to possess the beautiful strong body that had been denied to him these past few weeks. He wanted to kiss Chris's pleasure-swollen lips, wanted to pound into the firm ass and become one with the man who owned him body and soul.

Vin could sense the building of her own release and felt the increased warmth and wetness as he plunged into her pleasure soaked body. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders from beneath his buckskin coat, the pain muted by the layers of clothing he still wore... and then he was soaring free from all the pain of these past weeks, unaware that his soul cried out to his lost lover as he came.

****

"Has he been up all night waiting on them?"

Chris motioned towards Will Richmond who still sat vigil near the horses as he waited for Vin to bring his wife back to him. The man's head was circled in a clean bandage that seemed out of place on his grimy clothes and unwashed body. Chris wished he understood Richmond. He wished he knew why he was so hard on his wife one minute and yet so possessive and obviously caring of her in the next.

"Might have run into some trouble."

The thought had occurred to Chris. What if O'Shea had tracked Vin instead of them? What if Vin was dead? But then, O'Shea would have been here by now, gloating about it so he could use Vin's death as more leverage against the homesteaders.

"He got into trouble, all right."

Buck's words hit a raw nerve in Chris and it took all he had not to lash out at his oldest friend. The thought of Vin stopping for the night and taking in the charms of Mrs. Richmond had crossed his mind though he, ardently, hoped it was not the case. However, he had seen the way Vin looked at Charlotte Richmond, and the way she looked at him in return, and he hoped Vin hadn't done anything stupid. This was not what he wanted, after all. He wanted Vin to find someone he could stand up with openly, someone who was free to love him back with as much passion as he loved-- Chris broke off that thought, not wanting to torture himself any further with what could have been between him and Vin.

"Riders coming!"

Richmond called out suddenly but Chris's relief was short-lived when he realized it couldn't be Vin with Charlotte. He waited until JD and Nathan had drawn close and let them tell him what they had seen. Others gathered around, eager to hear information about the land they owned and hoped to raise their families on. Chris shook his head as 'gold fever' swept through the camp even though Nathan tried to be the voice of reason.

"Hold on, folks, don't get too excited now. We don't know for sure."

It was then that he noticed the arrival of Vin and Charlotte. Everyone fell silent as Richmond charged forward and took a swing at Vin. Vin avoided the blow and pushed Richmond back hard, and Chris grabbed Richmond around the waist before he could attack again, pinning the man's arms to his sides.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

"Think after that you'll get around to asking if your wife's all right?"

"That's enough!"

Chris intervened between the two men, giving Charlotte the chance to say her piece but it was obvious to him that more had taken place than stopping for food and rest. Her hair was in disarray, and her lips still plump from the force of Vin's kisses. Her eyes held a satisfaction that hadn't been there before today, and so did Vin's. He knew that look for he had seen it there before, had been the one to put that satisfaction on Vin's face, and he had seen it in his own reflection after he and Vin had made love.

"She was damn near passed out."

Vin tried to substantiate her claim but it seemed that Richmond wasn't fooled either. Chris let Richmond go but he felt the pain and humiliation that stabbed from the man's eyes as they raked over everyone present. Chris hoped that his own emotions were well hidden.

"I can't fight all your friends. But tomorrow, we'll reach my land. You step one foot on it, Mister, and I'll shoot you where you stand. You coming?"

Charlotte followed her husband, casting a single glance back at Vin that said everything to her lover, in contrast to Chris who found he had nothing left to say, his heart too heavy with his own loss. He turned and walked away, leaving Vin standing alone by the horses.

****

Vin rode alone in silence, paralleling the wagons rather than riding alongside Chris. He knew he ought not to be feeling guilty for the pleasure he had taken in Charlotte's arms last night, but he did. Chris knew. He had seen it in the hurt Chris had tried to hide from him so unsuccessfully as he turned and walked away. But, hell, what did Larabee expect?

Vin glanced at each of the two riders who came up either side of him, making a silent wish that they would go away and leave him alone. He needed to think. Everything was so confused in his head right now and, for the first time in his life, he was uncertain what he should do. What he wanted was to stay and fight for Chris but Chris had made it more than obvious that he didn't want him in his life - and his bed - no more... or had he? The pain filled eyes came back to haunt Vin, but then he caught sight of Charlotte and thought of the warmth and the easing of that terrible loneliness that he had found in her welcoming arms last night. He knew he'd been as good for her, easing her pain too.

"How long are you gonna wait before you spill the beans about a certain married lady?"

"Oh, for shame, Mr. Wilmington, you know a gentleman never tells. Which is why I was hoping Vin might."

Vin ignored them both, still hoping they'd take the hint and leave him alone to deal with the chaos of his own creation, but they badgered at him.

"...and what could be more tantalizing than an illicit affair?"

Ezra's words struck him like a knife, sinking deep into his heart and mind. Illicit affair. With Chris, and now with Charlotte. Why couldn't he have something good, something acceptable, maybe even respectable? Why did he always choose to care for someone who could not freely care for him in return? It wasn't fair. He twisted in his saddle and grabbed Ezra by the front of his fancy jacket.

"I ain't in the mood."

"Whoa, now, Vin. He didn't mean any harm by it."

Ezra shoved aside Vin's hand viciously. "Little touchy, aren't we, Mr. Tanner?" ...and then he dug in his heels to send his horse forward, leaving Vin and Buck behind.

Vin prepared himself for more snide comments from Buck; half expecting him to remonstrate over what the hell he was doing with Charlotte, and to Chris. Instead, Buck spoke softly with a compassion that slid under the defenses Vin had been building these past few days.

"No offense. I didn't realize it had gone that far."

At face value, the words seemed to apply to his illicit affair with Charlotte, but then he realized that Buck could just as easily be referring to the gaping rift between Vin and Chris. Vin watched as Buck rode on, and though he could still see Charlotte from time to time in the wagon ahead, he could also see Chris's dark-clad form on occasion too as the wagon train snaked through the land towards it's journey's end.

He bowed his head; more confused than ever, caught between what he needed and wanted, and what he could have.

They came to a wide-open space that would make a perfect camp for the night so Chris called a halt and watched as the wagons circled. Vin dropped down from his horse and waited almost nervously as the wagons were unhitched and the horses led away to be rubbed down, fed and tethered for the night. He saw Richmond lead his team away, leaving Charlotte alone, so Vin approached her, needing to speak to her at least one last time. She looked up; glancing nervously around when she saw him and Vin knew what had her worried.

"He's down at the other end."

"Vin--"

"I'll be leaving tomorrow. Once we get to the new land."

"Maybe it's for the best."

Vin frowned. Why was it for the best? Why could they not take what they could have?

"Charlotte, I know it ain't right, but I can't pretend that there's nothing between us."

"There is nothing between us. Do you hear me? There's no--"

"You know there is. We both know it."

They both looked up sharply when they heard Richmond calling for his wife. Charlotte looked stricken, unable to look at Vin as she tried to push him away with her words.

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Just... just go away, Vin. Just... please, just, please, just stay away from me."

She hurried off and Vin could only stare after her, all the while wondering why he had been so stupid to get mixed up with another person who was not willing to take a chance on him. His head whipped round sharply as Chris spoke softly, so focused on his intent to speak with Charlotte that he had not heard him approach.

"She may have a point."

"Taking to following me around?"

The accusation hung heavily in the air as Vin took out his anger on the target that had presented itself to him. His words were harsher than usual purely because this was the man who was the cause of all his grief.

"It's getting out of hand. I ain't judging you, but this ain't the time or the place for it."

Vin swore softly under his breath, even more angry now. He wanted Chris to judge him. He wanted to see a reaction... to hurt Chris the way Chris had hurt him, or to at least prove that Vin had meant something to him. Instead, the hurt deepened and boiled over into deep sea of resentment. No one had the right to tell him what he could or could not do or have, not Richmond, not Buck and most certainly not Chris Larabee.

"One more person sticks their nose in my business, and I'm gonna do something I'll regret. So I'm telling you now, Chris, you stay out of this."

Vin strode away. He thought he would feel better for lashing out at Chris and telling him, basically, to go to hell, but instead he felt worse. But all this did was make him even angrier and more resentful.

_You don't own me, Larabee. You don't have no rights over me... not any more. I can do what I want... when I want._

Vin avoided Chris for the rest of the night, already wishing he were a thousand miles away. No one approached him as he took his turn on watch until Josiah came to relieve him. Vin gave Josiah no time to question him, knowing how astute the man could be when he felt he had to pry into other people's business. Vin set up his bedroll well away from the others and turned his back on them as he tried to find some release from his pain and anger in sleep. However, sleep did not come easily, and when it did it brought back memories of happier times, lying in his lover's arms, kissing, caressing, loving the man he had believed to be the one to end his loneliness. In his dreams he held Chris tightly, plunging into the hot, tight channel even as his tongue plundered the man's mouth. Beneath him Chris writhed in ecstasy, impaled by him, his guttural cries of passion spurring Vin on to thrust harder and faster until they were both soaring high above their bodies, souls seeming to unite in that almost transcendental moment of pure pleasure.

Vin cried out softly, his eyes snapping open as he felt the wet heat of spent seed seeping within his pants.

"Dammit," he murmured softly. "...And damn you too, Larabee."

He must have turned in his sleep and, in the early morning light, he could see the sleeping form of the man who had followed him even into his dreams. Vin pushed aside the blanket and stood up; quickly moving beyond the camp so he could deal with the aftermath of his erotic dream. The sticky, spent seed cooled quickly and, as he scrubbed away the evidence of his unwanted dream, Vin found his emotions riding higher once more even though the heat of his anger had cooled. Now, all he wanted was to ride away, and never look back.

As he drew closer to the wagons on his return, Vin heard the sound of raised voices and recognized Richmond's as the man demanded the truth from his wife. A slap was followed quickly by a woman's cry and, moments later, Charlotte fled from the wagon holding her face. Vin caught up with her and drew her into his arms, letting her sob out her pain and grief against his shoulder. He waited until her soft cries slowed - a decision having been made in those few moments - and then he gently pushed her back until he could see into her eyes.

"Come with me... when I leave. Neither of us have got anything left here except more misery. We both deserve a second chance to be happy."

She didn't answer in words but Vin could see the indecision in her eyes.

"When we get to your land, slip away and wait for me on the other side of the river."

She swallowed hard, and chewed on her lower lip. Vin could hear others stirring in the camp so he squeezed her hand gently before slipping away. He had made his offer, now it was up to her to decide if she wanted to spend the rest of her life being miserable with Richmond or if she wanted to take a chance for happiness with him.

****

Later that day the wagon train crossed the river and the homesteaders took their first step on their new land. Vin glanced across at Chris, hating himself for his need to commit every line of the handsome face and lean frame to memory. Vin stopped, waiting at a distance while the people began to unpack their belongings. He saw Charlotte smiling at her husband after gazing around the land they had hoped to settle on, but her smile faltered almost immediately at his curt response. She looked across at Vin and he saw that her decision had been made. She looked, pointedly, across the river towards the high grasses on the bank opposite and Vin nodded carefully.

Vin saw Chris approaching him, and his heart contracted in pain at the momentarily unguarded expression of anguish. He looked back to where Mary was smiling warmly at Gerard Whitman, and then understood the restrained sorrow as Mary leaned in to kiss Gerard bestowed upon her.

Will Richmond intercepted Chris only ten feet from where Vin waited, his hard voice easily carrying across to Vin.

"I want him gone. Now."

"He knows." Chris carried on to Vin and stopped beside him. He looked up into Vin's eyes, a small frown creasing his brow before he spoke. "Vin, we'll see you back in town. We're gonna stick around for a couple of days just in case O'Shea shows up."

"Don't leave till you're sure they're safe."

"All right." Chris reached up and Vin clasped his forearm tighter than usual, knowing this might be the last moment they shared in this lifetime. Chris's soft words filled him with sorrow as he turned away. "Watch your back."

Moments later, Vin had crossed the river and found Charlotte waiting for him. He helped her up behind him and they rode off together towards an uncertain future that Vin silently wished would be far better than the one he was leaving behind.

THE END


End file.
